


to see yourself, and realize it isn't a mirror anymore.

by hyzkoa



Series: Peter Parker is Trans [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Trans Male Character, Trans Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:07:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24811306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyzkoa/pseuds/hyzkoa
Summary: Peter didn't know just how much love there could be in the whole universe.
Relationships: Loki & Peter Parker
Series: Peter Parker is Trans [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1113255
Comments: 7
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> another work to add to the peter parker is trans series! i'm back! holy shit it's been two years! but the first one was posted during pride month, and now it's pride month again so like, hell yea look at me being somewhat consistent.
> 
> this one will be mostly featuring magic people and gods and space and all that good stuff. also peter and loki interactions that the mcu robbed us. also the loki i'll be writing is the current one in the comics, known as ikol. he's like an echo of the original loki's soul and has noble intentions (but still very loki methods that don't really make him any less enemies) and wants to do good and be a hero and all that shit (he actually did save the worlds not too long ago in a big event so good for him) and he's canonically genderfluid so yeah, love that guy.
> 
> anyways i hope yall enjoy it

None of the sci-fi horror movies he had watched had prepared him for this. 

He could distinguish some words past the multi-dimensional horror he was witnessing, and he felt that saying none of those words belonged to any language he knew or would ever know was a pretty solid guess. Something stung slightly on the sides of his head the more he listened to them, the more he tried to make out syllables and patterns. 

He tried to muffle out Doctor Strange’s calm voice before it summoned some eldritch horror *inside* his brain. 

Spider-Man figured it was better to let the expert do his thing instead of becoming a magic-less hindrance, putting his efforts into evacuating the surroundings as far as possible without worrying about how these type of threats could just zap themselves miles away in the blink of an eye; he tried not to linger too much on the thought of eyes, as today's enemies had a little too many of them belonging to a single body, bulging and never blinking, staring intently at any threat that approached them - *or ran away from them*. This was clearly a type of match that was out of his field of expertise. 

But as the fight went on, it was getting harder to keep up, and the clearer it was that the odds weren't tipping in his team's favor. 

He couldn't exactly describe *how* they were losing; he could only understand a fragment of what was happening and he wasn't sure he knew the correct words to describe it coherently, but he knew out of experience that they were doing *bad* the moment a burst of fire-like sparks cut a wide circle into the sky, showing now a different set of constellations within it as a god flew through it. While his entrance was always welcomed in these type of situations (or any, really; Peter had to admit he was always a little bit too enthusiastic to being able to see him up-close during Avenger meetings - yeah, he got that those were usually about serious topics, but even while frowning Thor looked stunning), it wasn't a good sign to just how bad they were losing - or how much worse it could possibly get if they needed one of the bigger guns. He guessed they were doing pretty well in the magic side of it since he didn't see Magik or Doctor Doom joining in. 

And although he knew this place in this fight and knew that the best for everyone, specially the ones capable of winning this, was for him to stick to the sidelines, the distress in the back and forth between Thor and Doctor Strange grew with every second, and *that* he could understand while he swung around buildings with people hanging onto him. 

They weren't winning. They were pushing this thing elsewhere to be able to go at it without any restrictions. 

He knew then he could easily search through the zone for anyone that had been trapped under the debris, or anyone that had chosen to hide rather than call for help, and make sure that no one had to wait longer than necessary to be back to safety. He knew there was little he could do against a being that existed in pure magic and his brain couldn't even perceive properly.

So when yet another portal cut a passage between Earth and another world, he knew that following a *god* and a *supreme sorcerer* through it wasn't his best idea. He would have regretted it if he didn't, and it would've nagged at him for too long knowing all he did was to basically run away from a bad guy because he had given up the moment he knew he wasn't strong enough. That's not how it worked, and that's not how he wanted it to work either. Just because he could only deal damage through punches and kicks and creative uses of synthetic spider-web fluid and had only mortal type O blood running through his veins didn't mean he couldn't help his friends. 

As he entered the ring, the noises stopped.

There was nothing.

And then he could hear the wind through his mask. 

The first thing he noticed was the *cold*, almost instantly freezing him into place as he felt himself falling freely. He opened is eyes, not without judging himself for having closed them in the first way as he had jumped into the portal, to see only *white* stretching out below him. He was falling fast, the trees and rocks beneath him were becoming too large too fast. With a shaky breath he could see through the mask, he willed himself to move despite the low temperature that crept quickly around his arms. 

He caught his breath after he secured himself on the side of a tree that was too thick for it to be normal, his heart still racing as he let his surroundings sink in. His chest heaved as much as the binding around it allowed him, and he promptly tried to even his breathing. From where he was, he could see miles and miles of land buried in *snow*, with no discernible architecture that could give him a hint as to where he was. He wondered if they had traveled far enough north or south for it to be this *chilly*, but there was something about the way the trees grew and the size of the rocks lying around that was making him *nervous*. "Okay-- Okay, *alright*." Spider-Man nodded to himself. "So I'm in-- I'm *somewhere*. They were being very specific when they said they wanted this thing as far away from people as possible." He jumped off the tree, letting himself fall a few feet lower and hoping that'd rise the temperature somewhat, and begun to swing around, looking for lighting or magic blasts - *anything* - that'd lead him towards his teammates. 

The more he swung around, the more his limbs warmed up and the more he felt panic setting in. There was nothing. No lightning. No weird magical languages. Nothing. 

He landed on a tree branch, arms aching and heart sinking as his surroundings looked no different than before. Only snow, rocks and trees for miles. The thought of having to spend a night in this frostbitten land got him to feel past the cold and stretch his arm outward, ready to keep on swinging until he either found his friends or anything that pointed him towards where they were. Right then, a voice came from below. 

"Hey!" It called out as he spun the web, and he quickly swung back around, landing on another tree, lower to the ground to face what might be the only living thing he's seen since he arrived. 

"Oh my god, there's people here! You have no idea how happy I am to see you." Spider-Man sighed. "You're-- " *blue?* Okay, that wasn't the weirdest thing he's seen. Gamora's green. Though that meant he was probably.... "Uh, where am I, little guy?"

The blue, pointy-eared boy narrowed his yellow eyes and pouted. 

"Okay, okay, I can see I struck a nerve. I'm sorry." He really wasn't up for this. "... Can you help me? I came here with my friends and I think I'm lost now."

"You're..." The boy stepped closer, squinting slightly as he looked Spider-Man from head to toes. "You're from another planet... right?"

"Uh..." That wasn't a good. "I think that's what's happening here, yeah."

"You're in Jotunheim, land of Giants, King Loki's realm."

The boy seemed to be trying to make the place sound interesting to the tourist before him, but said tourist could only stare in silence, eyes wide behind the mask, his heart sinking with every word in that sentence and as their meaning chilled him in a way the snow around him didn't. In cue with the description, there was a tremor in the ground below he could feel reverberating in the tree he was stuck to. There were long pauses between the thuds, but there was a rhythm to it. He could almost see the glass of water on the dashboard shaking every so slightly. And as the muffled thuds grew louder and the tremor grew stronger, the sun disappeared; he looked up to see it obscured by someone not too different from the blue boy standing before him. Blue skin, pointy ears, yellow eyes, dressed in furs. The only difference he could see was the fact one was four feet tall and the other was at least a solid sixty. 

Neither of them said anything at the giant walked by, not even noticing them, and only when the tremors caused by his steps decreased, was when Spider-Man talked.

"Take me to Loki."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thank you for your patience :) the boys are back

Okay, so maybe he hadn't thought this through as much as he should have. Should he work on his instincts always leading him to dive in rather than step back? Definitely something worth getting checked. Was he going to? Not any time soon; he doubted there were any licensed hero therapists in  _ the land of Giants, _ and if there were, their sofas would probably be too big to comfortably spill his guts out. 

Then again, he supposed he wouldn't be who he is today if he hadn't taken risks along the way. For others and for himself. He allowed himself to question it, though, just a little bit, as he hugged himself and his shoulders shook, walking through the snow with the  _ small giant _ , who apparently wasn't a kid, called Drrf. He repeated the name a few times before he got the hang of it. The chattering of his teeth really helped get the Jotnar pronunciation right.

Drrf said he'd take him to where  _ King Loki _ was. And although it was a relief to hear a familiar name, this one wasn't in the top 20 names he'd like to hear while stranded on a different planet (it was about the #22 place, above Jameson but below that middle school teacher he accidentally called mom). Part of him hoped it was really Thor's brother and couldn't wait to see him, and another part wished that this King Loki person was just a namesake of the one that had attacked New York. Who would let someone like that be a king? This is why  monarchy doesn't work. 

"He should be around here." Drrf said, while looking around in the cold, empty throne room. 

"What kind of king leaves their throne empty? Isn't that, like, the first thing they teach you not to do?" Peter stammered his words out, getting the words out with great effort as if cracks at Loki would give him some warmth. It didn't really help.

"Everyone complains about that, but he's managed to keep the throne safe!" Drrf said it like it was an actual achievement.

"Right." Peter stuttered. He wasn't really paying attention at this point. He closed his eyes, tightening the hug around himself. He really hoped Doctor Strange and Thor had already taken care of the issue; he didn't think he could fight with his body frozen in the spot like this. He dug his fingers into the fabric of his suit as he shivered, and fondly remembered the furs the giant he had seen earlier was wearing. He'd do about anything right now to have something like that on top of him. He couldn't wait to go back home and put all of his sweaters on at once.

He was going deep into that train of thought, clinging to the memory of anything that could give him warmth right about now, until the alarming sense of someone that wasn't there before suddenly standing behind him snapped him out of it.

"Drrf, you can't just invite guests in without noticing me first. We have to follow the etiquette." 

Spider-Man turned around to see a person, younger than expected, wearing a golden crown with horns (also smaller than expected) and a thick green coat. He wished he had one. "Were you planning to surprise me?" He meant to speak unsurprised, but his voice came out rather weak due to the temperature.

"My mere presence is dangerous enough for me to not pass unperceived... I suppose there's a way I can take that as a compliment, but nevertheless, your senses are terribly outdated." Peter just stared at him. Loki shrugged. "I don't see you attempting to punch the lights out of me, though."

"Thor said you saved Asgard."

"So I did. Many times before, even when I was  _ evil _ , but I guess the times I tried to destroy it canceled those out." Loki brushed a strand of hair out of his face, pushing it behind one of the horns of his crown. "I take it you want to leave."

Peter nodded.

"Did the people you hitched a ride on  _ really _ not notice you slipped into the portal with them?" The way Loki said it, gestured, and looked at him made Peter want to leave and just swing until someone else that could helped him appeared. But he knew he'd freeze to death before the Guardians or Captain Marvel flew by. 

Peter sighed. "Maybe." 

"That's rough." Loki approached him and patted him on the shoulder. "I see Strange hasn't gotten any better at  _ not _ being an amateur at magic."

"Can you send me back?" Peter couldn't think of anything but laying down beneath 5 thick covers until he remembered what warmth felt like. Sweating even seemed like something he wanted right now-- No, he wasn't gone that far, but it wouldn't take long at this rate.

"Aren't you even interested in finding out what happened to the creature that brought you here to begin with?" Loki smiled.  _ He's torturing me, this is torture, _ Peter thought. "You're a man of 'science' after all. You humans are supposed to be the dangerously curious type."

"I have different priorities right now."

"Now, there is nothing more important than knowledge." He shoved his gloved hands into the pockets of his coat, "if you had any knowledge of magic, you wouldn't be afraid of it, and thus you wouldn't have closed your eyes when you jumped into the portal." Loki shrugged, a small smile creeping up his lips. Peter was going to punch him at any second now, as soon as he could will his limbs to move through the cold that gripped them. "If you had knowledge of what happened in the realms outside yours you would've known why Strange came here, and you would've come here instead of wandering around aimlessly, freezing." Loki snapped his fingers, a small flame appearing on top of his thumb. He held it up to his lips and blew it softly. Peter could barely see it moving, the next thing he knew it had already impacted his mask, and a very pleasing sense of warmth traveled from his cheeks all the way down to his toes.

"You could have started with that."

Loki simply smiled. "I'll take you to where they are." A portal opened up behind Loki. No hand gestures, no headache-inducing words that clung into the air with sickly echoes and lingered in his brain for too long. It just... opened. "Alright, Drrf, I'll be back soon. If anything happens, just tell people to use their brains. And if that makes them stage a coup, then you can probably hide behind the throne." As Loki spoke, Peter looked at the small giant for a second; he looked worried, but didn't protest Loki's task. He hoped Drrf would join the coup. 

Loki stepped to the side and stretched his arm out, smiling at Peter. "That way I won't lose sight of you." Peter took a step forward. This portal was different; he couldn't see where it'd take him. There was only a weird green glow with yellow and blue sparkling within. He turned to face Loki, who smiled and said, "don't worry, there's warmth on the other side." 

Peter stepped in with his eyes open.

* * *

Well, Loki wasn't lying. It  _ was _ warm.

The first thing he felt as he stepped out of the portal was the sun hitting down on him. He was tempted to take off his mask and take it in, but as he saw people around him he settled for standing there, eyes closed,  _ photosynthesizing _ . He only had a second to truly appreciate the sun shining down on him though; one look at his surroundings, or even just the people walking past him and staring a little bit, was enough to have that slight sense of trust building up crumble to nothing.

"Feeling better?" Loki asked with an  _ innocent _ smile on his face. 

"Why are we here?" 

"I said I'd take you were Thor and Strange were." Loki took his hands out of his pockets and opened his arms. "Here we are; Asgardia."

"I'm pretty sure I asked you to take me back."

"Well, I never really said yes to that, did I? I'm afraid you're only listening to what you want to hear, and frankly, that's out of my control." Peter stared silently at Loki, clearly annoyed. Loki then sighed. "You're no fun. You're literally in the same atmosphere."

Peter dragged his hands across his face, shutting his eyes tightly. He stared at Loki while pressing his hands against the sides of his face. He figured this was how his enemies felt when he wouldn't shut up.  _ Was this karma? _ "Do you expect me to  _ jump _ off the city flying a few thousand kilometers above the ground?"

"No, I expected you to be excited to be in Asgardia. After all, as long as you're with me, you aren't stranded."

"You're right, my situation got upgraded to captivity."

"You're free to leave and find Doctor Strange yourself. That is, if he doesn't leave without you again after you inevitably get lost."

Peter was about to protest, but backtracked immediately as something just  _ clicked. _ He smiled under the mask. "Are you trying to get me to put in a good word for you? In the Avengers, I mean." He crossed his arms against his chest, tilting his head.

"What? Of course not, I'm simply showing my neighborhood to the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. That way you know which angles are the best for swinging in foreign infrastructure whenever Asgardia is under attack again."

"I don't know, man, it seems like you're trying to get some points with me by being so nice." Peter shrugged. "I don't think I should believe the God of Lies is nice without wanting something in return."

"... Of course." Something about Loki's expression changed; it was more serious,  _ heavier _ . Did he strike a cord? "If you think I'm keeping you for personal reasons," he opened another green portal, "you're more than welcome to go back to your flat."

"Here, I'll make your destination visible." Peter could now see his street, with his building a few blocks away. "Though, that could be a trick as well. I'm quite the  _ witch, _ after all. Guess you won't know until you try it."

"Loki!"

Loki almost  _ jumped _ .

"Is that--?" Peter began, only for Loki to interrupt.

" _ Lady Thyra. _ I'm just helping my friend out."

Peter recognized the uniform as that of a Valkyrie's. She was around Loki's height, dark-skinned with hair tied up in braids and buns part of Norse culture. 

"Pardon me, Loki, but I will have to confirm that with your friend." Her voice was really comforting, not only because she could maybe help him with his Loki problem, but because it just  _ was _ . "They?"

" _ 'He' _ is fine."

"So, is he helping you out or is he using another definition for  _ help _ ?"

"He is--" Hold on. What was that? "--helping me out, but making the process unbearably slow... I think he wants to give me a tour of Asgardia but won't say it."

"Well, I haven't known Loki as long as others have, but that sounds exactly like them."

Loki rolled his eyes. "I'm really getting tired of people dunking on me for no reason. All I did was pull him out of the frozen wastelands before he'd shake to death."

Lady Thyra laughed, and it was full and rich and Peter felt like he could listen to her laugh and talk the whole day. "Well, just don't push the Spider-Man too hard, yes?" She patted Loki on the back, and he stumbled a bit due to the force of it. She left without noticing, or caring.

"Okay, before we keep arguing, was that her asking for your pronouns?"

"Yes, last time I was here I was going by  _ 'they' _ ."

"Oh." A pause. "Wait, are you-- are you trans?"

Loki smiled. "Genderfluid."

"Oh, man." Peter chuckled. His attention now undivided on Loki and their previous encounter with Lady Thyra, but still trying not to show through the tone of his voice just how engrossed he was in this topic. "Are these terms the same in Asgard?"

"No, not quite. We don't have as many labels, but I've been in Earth long enough to learn the ones your people use, and the ones that fit me."

"Is there a reason for that? The labels, I mean."

"Both our cultures took different paths, evolving differently. Simply put," he took a pause, as if pondering whether he should continue, "we didn't go through what you have." He seemed sympathetic enough for Peter to not take it the wrong way; as a boast.

He did tense up a bit about it; he couldn't avoid the sting, but he pushed himself to move on rather than to let that stinging feeling control him. "Makes sense."

Loki begun to walk and Peter followed. "There are Valkyries you'd label as trans women in Earth, but here we don't need to spend time teaching others that 'trans people are people' like you'd have to in Earth."

"Huh." It was taking him a bit of effort to let this sink in fast enough to keep up with the conversation, but Loki was mindful of him and his silence. "You guys really have it figured out."

"The universe is vast, Spider-Man." Loki smiled, "you shouldn't compare two different worlds that used to be galaxies away."

Peter chuckled, though it came more out of nervousness rather than finding something funny. Maybe he did. Maybe it was funny to see how evil his people could really be compared to others  _ galaxies away. _ He shook his head, his heart still pounding. Damn him to being caring to a fault; all he could think of were the people suffering right now, while he was here. "I think I need a second."

"Are you sure? Strange could be leaving to New York any moment now." That playfulness in his tone returned.

Peter looked at Loki, then to his suroundings. He sighed, placing his hands on his hips and shrugging. "You're right. I should be more curious."

**Author's Note:**

> yea lokis king of jotunheim thats a thing. 
> 
> thank u for reading. it's been a while since i've posted smth online so comments are appreciated.


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